Hello, Lovely Mama!
As I lay in the late-day sun, I feel the familiar rubber of the chair give way under my weight and as I lie back, read a book or magazine or “just rest my eyes” like my mom used to say, and feel the heat of the sun-warmed chair on my bare feet, I’m transported back to when I first started sitting in this chaise.
It was just one of the many pieces of odd furniture that my dear dad would transport to each of our houses whenever he took the road trip from my hometown in New Hampshire to upstate New York in attempt to fill up all our empty rooms.
It first landed on the porch of an 1832 cobblestone farmhouse that Chad and I had rented the first four years when we returned to New York from Bible College.
That was the house where we brought home our first born baby; a sweet little pumpkin-headed boy with blonde curls, cherub cheeks, and deep brown shining eyes, on a sunny fall day. As the crimson leaves began to drift, we’d snuggle on the chaise, wrapped in a blanket, while Daddy would let off steam after working his full-time job while also serving as the youth pastor at church, shooting hoops in the driveway trying to impress us with his athletic skills.
The chair would move with us to the first home we purchased; an adorable white and green-shuttered little cottage-y cape cod style, which the chaise matched perfectly.
It’s where I’d nurse my daughter under the huge maple tree in the afternoon while my toddler played in his sandbox with his trucks.
Then it traveled once more to our current yard, where our kids grew up and I’d sit in the afternoons after a long day of homeschooling. Its lightweight frame was easy to move around the yard as the sun began to set and the house and trees shaded the yard. I’d drag it to whichever corner still had a little patch of sun while the kids endless running wore out the grass playing soccer with the neighbor kids in the fall and spring or doing acrobatics every summer in a blue and white blow up pool.
It brings me back to the time when I needed to rest because I was so very needed and these days, this summer, I find myself going back to that rhythm of going outside at golden hour, before I need to make dinner, to just soak in the sun and rest.
The yard is now quiet, there are no children running around, no sprinklers left on by accident, no popsicle sticks stuck to a picnic table, no Nerf darts to dodge, no back-to-school supplies to surprise them with like an early Christmas and that’s okay.
This is the NEW SEASON and I’m embracing all of it. But I’m being gentle with myself, because it’s my turn to be tended to. It takes time to shift out of the busyness and the everyday chaos and being so needed, to shift into just being there when you might be needed.
There can be a tinge of sadness and also joy, but I believe we’re created to hold them both. The sadness of the days that went so fast, but grateful that I was there to soak all of it up, every single day, for 20 years (what a gift that didn’t come cheap). And there’s the joy of thinking how our children are out in the world sharing their gifts and beginning to do what they’re called to do.
And me, no longer just Mama, stepping into NEW THINGS too!
And so I choose to focus on that, push my book to the side, lean back and close my eyes and thank the Lord for my old green chaise. She and I have been through a lot together.
And I thank God that He never left me while I did the best I could to raise them up. And He’s still right here alongside THEM, and ME today!
Are you finding it hard to reconcile your new season? What if that’s okay? What if it was never going to be easy?
This midlife motherhood is not for the faint of heart. It can be hard and wonderful, just like every other season. And it’s okay to take your time, put your feet up for a bit, listen to the cicadas humming and allow yourself to pause to breathe and DREAM! I believe the best is yet to come!
With Much Love,
Jenny
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