This is an area in my life that I am currently working on getting better at. The first step is simply gaining greater awareness. Maybe this will help you to be an APOLOGIZING OVERCOMER, too 😉
When someone shows up at the door unexpectedly we respond with, “I’m so sorry. My house is a mess right now!”
When that new recipe didn’t “pan out” we say, “I’m sorry dinner was gross. I was missing some of the ingredients.” or “Sorry dinner is so late, I should have started it earlier.”
When feeling embarrassed over our “outfit of the day” we say, “Sorry I look like a hot mess! I didn’t have time to do my make-up today.”
When we’re at the grocery store and we need to reach something but someone else is in the way we often say, “Sorry, I need to grab something right there.” Or when someone says they need to get by we say sorry and then move (I catch myself saying this A LOT!)
When our husband comes home from work and we’ve been busy with the kids and everything is chaos before we even say hello we say, “Sorry the house is a wreck! I had to do x,y,z, and then x,y,z and I meant to clean it before you got home.”
When we arrive somewhere late we say, “UGH! Sorry, I’m late! I should have left earlier and should have anticipated the traffic…”
And then there’s one of my old favorite apologies...”I’m so sorry I’m sick!” WHAT?!! Why would we ever feel the need to apologize for being sick?! Or Tired?!
What if instead we switched some of these to “Thank you’s”?
What if when someone stops by we say, “Thank you for stopping by! It’s so great to see you!”
We don’t need to feel sorry for not creating a four-star meal 🙂
When we are in someone’s way, what if we respond with “Excuse me” or “No problem”?
What if instead of all the excuses for why you couldn’t get “everything done” you decided to say, “Thanks for helping with the laundry, dishes, kids, etc… I appreciate you!”
What if we said, “Thank you so much for waiting for me!”
Instead of “I’m sorry I’m sick” what if we said, “Thank you for understanding that I need to rest.” Doesn’t that feel much better for BOTH of you?!
So, why do we constantly feel the need to apologize? Do we so desperately want to be liked and think that’s how we will be accepted if we make ourselves SMALLER?
I think it is rooted in FEAR. There are only two kingdoms to be influenced by, right? Either God’s kingdom which is ruled by LOVE or the enemy’s realm which is ruled by FEAR.
Honestly, I have found myself apologizing for breathing loudly when stuffed up, swallowing my water too loudly, or feeling I’ve been “caught” when I’m sitting down with my feet up and resting for a bit during my day! What the heck?!
Yes, we should apologize when we hurt someone (intentionally or not) but we DON’T have to apologize for EXISTING! For taking up some space in this world!!
Often as wives, mamas, and women in general we feel we must constantly SERVE EVERYONE around us and OUR NEEDS AREN’T VALID!
But we are HUMAN, too! Our needs and WANTS matter, too! While we may LOVE SERVING (which is one way I enjoy showing love to my lovelies)we must realize that we are VALUABLE, too!
Because God calls us to LOVE OUR NEIGHBOR AS OURSELVES! And if we’re not loving ourselves well, mainly by constantly receiving HIS LOVE for us and not allowing FEAR and CONDEMNATION, we won’t be FREE to. And not stepping into the fear of man and people-pleasing, because putting ourselves down does not make anyone else more worthy. Whenever we feel EMBARRASSED or SHAME it’s an indicator that we are judging ourselves. It’s truly when we STOP JUDGING OURSELVES so harshly that we can begin to see OTHERS through a less harsh lens! Trust me, it’s true!
Nothing has helped me to recognize these harmful thought patterns in my life more than being surrounded by great coaches! Having my own brain constantly “coached up” keeps my thoughts in line with God’s true thoughts about ME & OTHERS! If you’re ready to invest in YOUR own journey of GROWTH and SELF-DEVELOPMENT, from a Biblical perspective, I’d love to be your coach! Reach out today and let’s set up a time to chat about how I help women get FREE! FREE from people-pleasing and self-deprecation and guilt and shame so they can begin to show up as the HIGHEST, MOST LOVING version of themselves, starting with loving themselves the way God LOVES them ❤ ~Be Blessed, Jenny xoxo
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~JENNY RIEFLIN MINISTRIES~ 