***Disclaimer*** In this post I am NOT referring to wives who are being abused by their spouses. It is the bravest first step you can take by confiding in someone outside of the situation. Ask for help when faced with a situation you may not know how to navigate according to the Word- Proverbs 24:5,6 “A wise man is strong and a man of knowledge increases in power. For by wise guidance, you will wage war and in abundance of counselors there is VICTORY.” Venting and speaking against your spouse is NOT the same as seeking godly counsel from a wise woman, coach, or counselor. It is right to ask for counsel or agreement in prayer from another who has shown proven success in the area.
Aside from that type of situation when we speak against our husband we are walking OUT of love and siding with the enemy. The enemy will ALWAYS whisper things to you about your spouse because the Bible says he is the accuser of the brethren and usually they are true offenses they have committed. He always uses partial truth to cause division.
But you know what? Whether they are true offenses or not it’s none of his business and it’s not his place!
Proverbs 17:9 “He who covers a transgression seeks LOVE, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends”.
Our hubbies are supposed to be our best friends, right? We should not have a bestie that we put higher than our spouse! No matter if you’ve had a longer relationship with a friend, they need to transition to a new role in your life and not be your go-to confidante any longer. Neither should you confide in family members or friends who are not qualified to instruct you. It may feel good temporarily to your flesh but can then cause division between them and your spouse as well.
So, when we begin to talk against our husband it begins to drive a wedge between us and them. So don’t give the devil even a foothold by speaking out to others about those things that may annoy or frustrate you about your spouse.
And don’t voice your frustration in front of your kids!! I was guilty of this a few times when I was a stay-at-home Mama because it is so tempting to vent your frustration out loud. That is harmful to their growth and respect for their daddy. Especially when daddy comes home and changes the decision you made earlier in the day, show and tell your kids that we are now going with what daddy wants. It’s good for them to learn submission and flexibility.
When you’re frustrated first ask the Holy Spirit to help you. One of His characteristics is that He will be our Helper, Amen? God is the only person we should vent to.
The enemy will do his best to cause you to put a wedge between you and your spouse, and then you’ll start acting in a way that is not loving.
Have you ever given your husband the cold shoulder when he’s done something wrong? I used to do that when we were dating and newly married. I don’t do that anymore because I’ve grown to stop walking by my flesh. When you shut the other person out and refuse to talk to them, it’s actually a form of abuse. It’s manipulation and it’s destructive behavior.
And we do not hold grudges over past mistakes. If we are still holding onto something and still bringing it up years later, there is a problem. We have not renewed our minds with the Word concerning walking in love. That is allowing our flesh to rule and we are to no longer walk ruled by our flesh, Amen?
We are called to be doers of the Word and not hearers only. Ephesians tells us to imitate God and be like Christ. How did He handle our sin? He forgave us when we did not deserve it, Amen? That’s what will cause peace to be restored.
When we forgive, our spouse will reciprocate when we mess up, because it’s just a matter of time till we do. Not that we are to be a doormat and when our husband does something that hurts our feelings we always let it slide, because that’s not healthy either.
But, we must always remember to speak assertively, not aggressively. And remember that we’re no picnic to live with either. We all have things we need to work on and areas in which we are growing, Amen? Remember back to when he asked you to do life with him, I’m sure there wasn’t a whole bunch lined up asking you, right? 😉 And he needs to remember that it was YOU who actually said yes! 🙂
***A good question to ask yourself before talking with anyone is, “Is this person qualified to be a part of the solution?” If not, then they should not be privy to the problem. ❤
If you are ready to upgrade YOUR experience of your marriage, I would love to be a SAFE SPACE for you to unburden yourself so that you can begin to HEAL the wounds of your heart. Hit the Coach With Me link and let’s set up a time to chat because God’s highest desire is for you and your marriage to THRIVE and FLOURISH, not to spend the next 50 years with your spouse cohabiting and repressing all your emotions. ~Be Blessed, Jenny xoxo
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~JENNY RIEFLIN MINISTRIES~ 