Did you know that for the first many months of an infant’s life, they do not realize that they are a separate person than their mother?
Even though they are no longer in the womb, it takes quite some time for them to understand that they will eventually function in a separate capacity.
Their survival instinct is so high that they may scream when on their own because they know their little life depends upon their vital attachment.
Forcing little ones to separate from us, especially when they are dis-regulated, can cause them more frustration.
Instead of calling it a MELTDOWN, maybe try to think of it as a BIG FEELING CYCLE.
We ALL have a creation cycle within us, ie our THOUGHTS cause our FEELINGS, and our FEELINGS create our ACTIONS and thus the RESULTS we are experiencing in our lives. It functions all day long usually without our acknowledgment.
Children are no different and haven’t yet learned how to work through their BIG FEELINGS, and that’s okay. We get to do it TOGETHER and can practice in the safety of our own homes, right?
Even though the behavior sometimes seems like it comes out of nowhere, there is definitely a thought of fear or some perceived lack happening that has caused an extreme (in our opinion) reaction.
Separation only delays the opportunity to model healthy acceptance of emotions that we as adults like to label as bad or inappropriate.
When verbal communication is still developing, physical communication, like crying, jumping up and down, or stamping feet comes most naturally to express disappointment and should not be shamed.
As emotions are PHYSICAL, they are actually best processed PHYSICALLY, and so their instincts to help themselves regulate are spot on.
This doesn’t mean we don’t enforce certain boundaries, such as no harm to others or property allowed.
But they can be redirected to a special calming down area. This could be as simple as a little corner with a cozy pillow, blanket, quiet toys and books that can also be used at any other time during the day for “alone time.”
***It’s important to recognize that your child’s acting out verbally or physically is not a character flaw, but just a normal part of growth and response to some BIG FEELINGS.
Rather than training to “stuff them” with accusations that nothing is wrong, helping them to acknowledge and communicate what they are experiencing will set them up for future success.
Using a FEELINGS BOWL or JAR can help tremendously. We can attest that as adults we don’t always know exactly what we feel and why, right?
Write down the 8 core emotions (anger, anticipation, joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, and disgust)on slips of paper (or wooden disks so they keep well) Each person takes a turn pulling a slip out and talking about when they had that emotion. Other family members listen without judging, trying to solve, or commenting – just listening, providing a safe place to talk.
Practice doing this regularly so that when a “meltdown” is occurring they are already familiar with it and they know they are safe to share and take time to figure out what the thought is that is creating the uncomfortable emotion.
Teaching that while some emotions do not feel good, they are not bad and they don’t last long.
I hope this helps you to support your child’s learning. Remember to support YOUR need for a break, too. Give yourself lots of GRACE if you show up less than your favorite version of yourself ❤ Create times throughout your day to step outside, take a breather, stretch, go for a walk, or do something PHYSICAL to process YOUR OWN EMOTIONS. The best gift to a dis-regulated little one is a regulated parent ❤
***If you’re interested in learning more and getting the support you need, I’d love to be your MOM COACH! Reach out today and let’s get you from OVERWHELMED and EXHAUSTED to FULFILLED and PEACEFUL as you mother your littles with JOY! ~Be Blessed, Jenny xoxo
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~JENNY RIEFLIN MINISTRIES~ 